Hello, Bryan here. Just so you know, I’d rather open my mouth to a gum scraping than open it and talk about anyone who might not be fully 1000% satisfied with everything they receive from Flannery Beef.
But as it often the case, Katie is right. One of these days, it could happen. And if it does, and it happens to be you, we want you to know that our first order of business is to say we are genuinely sorry because that’s exactly what we would be.
Our second order of business is to fix it. This is why we would encourage you to choose from these two plans that have been expressly designed to help you forgive us:
Plan A: To accept our sincere apologies and offer of a full refund* or equivalent credit for any Flannery Beef item(s). This is for the express purpose of restoring your confidence in us and propping you back up onto your happy stool.
Plan B: To accept our offer to distribute 3’ bamboo stalks, company-wide, to every single person employed here at Flannery Beef. We would then gather and spend the next 10 minutes roundly caning ourselves — followed by offering you a full refund* or equivalent credit for any Flannery Beef item(s). This is for the express purpose of restoring your confidence in us and propping you back up onto your happy stool.
Everyone here at Flannery Beef is open to both options but in a show of hands voted unanimously to a slight preference for Plan A.
* Due to the perishable nature of our products, we are not able to accept returns.